18th
Back to Basics
I would like to talk about a few things which have been on mind recently which are affecting me and EventBox.
When we started The Cosmic Machine, there was one thing I was absolutely sure about - there should be complete transparency of what’s going on. I’m a believer that every relationship should be built upon truth, trust and communication, no matter the nature of the said relationship.
Do we have to be so open? No. But I still think it’s the right thing to do. I’m taking off my EventBox developer hat for the rest of this post.
Something has been bugging me in the last couple of months and it has gotten me to a point where I have trouble performing basic tasks. My stress levels have increased so much that I’m hardly getting any proper sleep (about 4 hours per day) and I’ve lost appetite. Let me take a side step before I address the issue.
I’m student at Imperial (CompSci) and I live in Sevenoaks, Kent. I’ve got a couple of good friends (you know who you are) and I’m basically a normal guy. I’ve also just came out of a 4-year relationship which is taking its toll on me.
I’m also obsessed with perfection. If I’m involved in a project, I will devote all my time, energy and dedication in order to do my best. This has now created a dilemma. There are two very important things to me in life - university and The Cosmic Machine.
I’ve been chasing the university dream for many years, since I was young. Always wanted to go to university, it has been something that I’ve been aiming at for a long time. Work isn’t. But EventBox is not work to me. It’s more than that. It’s a dream, it’s something I’ve been after for many years (failed 3 times so far). I’ve sacrificed a lot in the last year for the sake of EventBox and I do not regret it. I’ve put it above most things in life and I still believe it was the right choice at the time.
The real problem is that I’m currently in the middle of the two most important things in my life and I realize that it’s impossible for me to do both of them as best as I can. I’m not afraid or ashamed to admit that I’m failing to cope with the pressure and stress levels. My friends tell me I care too much. Maybe I do but that’s who I am.
So what’s the solution? I don’t know yet. All I know is that I will not be giving up on either, not now, not ever. I’m planning to be less active for the next couple of months but I hope it’s for the better. I need some time to recover and be back on track. We’ve got a lot of things to finish and I owe this to myself and every one of you.
By the way, every time I see someone using EventBox, it cheers me up on a tough day and makes me happy on a good one. I’m truly grateful for that and I would like to thank you.
I hope you appreciate the honesty. If you want to share your thoughts, you can send an email to milen at our domain.
Milen
